Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Comedy. Show all posts

Thursday, 6 March 2014

Sonnet CXXIV

Here is a sonnet by Petrarch, as translated by Macgregor:
HE RECALLS HER AS HE SAW HER WHEN IN TEARS

That ever-painful, ever-honour'd day
So left her living image on my heart
Beyond or lover's wit or poet's art,
That oft to it will doting memory stray.
A gentle pity softening her bright mien,
Her sorrow there so sweet and sad was heard,
Doubt in the gazer's bosom almost stirr'd
Goddess or mortal, which made heaven serene.
Fine gold her hair, her face as sunlit snow,
Her brows and lashes jet, twin stars her eyne,
Whence the young archer oft took fatal aim;
Each loving lip—whence, utterance sweet and low
Her pent grief found—a rose which rare pearls line,
Her tears of crystal and her sighs of flame.


The way in which the girl is described in this reminded me of something . . .

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

This is War

The battles begin once again, nature's forces descending upon us with bitter cold steel drawn naked, prepared to cut. We draw our weapons too, don goose-down armour and hack at frost with scrapers bought at Canadian Tire or makeshift from old Tim Horton's gift cards. We carry shovels like standards into battle, carve out a path through the endless forces of our enemy before they overwhelm entire.

Charging into the wind, pom-poms leveled lance-like at the elements , we press forward. Toques for helms mittens for gauntlets, and thick rubber soled shoes for purchase on home lands turned treacherous in the enemy's icy grip.

Politicians penguin-waddle in parkas and tell us we are prepared, this time. This war will not be like the last, they say. Our forces are organized. . .we will reclaim the frontiers of our streets and sidewalks with clattering monstrous beasts of our own invention that split the night with roars and beeps. I remember that you cannot trust politicians, as I slide sideways on snow-packed roadway, four wheel drive or no.

I am certain this years war, like last year's, will end. But at what cost? How many fenders bent, arms broken, and tears shed at the voidlike blackness of ten in the morning?

Vaguely, I remember a time when this was not a fight. Too young to understand the threat the enemy posed, I embraced it instead. My enemy was then my ally, providing me with ammunition against other, then more important enemies. My enemy and I clutched eachother and shrieked laughter as we slid down hillsides, danced across glistening floors of ice. My enemy could take a form very much like my own, but with a carrot nose, an old scarf, two rocks for eyes. My enemy was my friend.

Is there an opportunity for peace, after all?

Oh Hell no.


Sunday, 10 November 2013

Carport Olympics

Carports: Things we don't have a lot of in Canada save for in front of hotels. Or to shelter that boat you wish you'd never bought that won't fit in the garage. Probably the biggest reason carports aren't popular up here is the obvious one: its cold  and despite all our bluster, we're wusses. Going out into an unheated garage to start up the car in the morning is bad enough, and at least when you park your car on the street you're fairly certain you can get the car off and driving thanks to midnight snowplows (barring a blizzard, in which case you're probably allowed to stay home anyway). Carports have the dual disadvantage to us northern dwellers of lacking walls to block the icy cold winds, and being vulnerable to snow that will not be happily removed for you by any civic snowplow--or any hand but your own mittened one frozen to the shovel.

So, we don't really use car ports. But then, does anyone excessively? Unsure. Haven't traveled enough. Moving on.

Regardless of the lack of applicability of the carport to my own culture, I thought I'd throw up a few pictures of some interesting examples of these under-appreciated architectural sidebars. So here goes, in no particular order:

1. The Overhang - Villa Midgard, Stockholm
 Villa Midgard by DAPstockholm in architecture  Category

Because nothing screams "its safe to park your car here" like a concrete overhang. Concrete is indestructible, right?

2. The Solar powered bike rack


This solar powered beauty can at once charge your electric car and store your bikes while taking up minimal space. I call this a pretty cool little wonder of technology. It looks fairly easy to set up too, considering what it is.

3. The Green Rooftop-port



C'mon, for a warm climated place, you gotta admit this is a pretty cool idea. My only question is how/if you can get on top of it.

4. The Hollywood Hills 


Something sort of Jetson-y about this lean-to design, circa 1972.

5. The F**k You Gravity Carport, Lithuania



The cars are actually serving an important role in keeping the house up. Making this carport an essential part of the design. Really.

6. The Camouflage Dream Carport

 

A great, easy to set up, portable guestroom for your car. Because putting it in this is way safer and less conspicuous than parking it on the street. And it doesn't look ridiculous. AT ALL.






Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Controlled Climate

Let me introduce you to my archenemy:

Mr. Breezy

Dun dun daaah: the ventilation system. When I first started work at the archives, this dude was constantly blasting cold air at our backs.

After weeks and weeks of suffering through this, we finally got up the gumption to play with our thermostat (not always the best idea in an archive/special collections office, but we were desperate, and tired of wearing jackets in July):

The room began to warm up! and for a time, things were good :). But . . .the warming trend did not stop. The working room got hotter . . .and hotter . . .
AND HOTTER
. . . until sweaty-handed me couldn't do my work properly without sweating all over archival documents and rare books. No bueno. So they got me this!



And once again, for a brief time, everything was good. That is, until the maintenance guy arrived. Well meaning, he told us the thermostat was broken, and that was the cause of our overheating distress. The fix? 
no thermostat
Proudly, the maintenance fellow announced that our heat problems were solved. . .we were now on full cool! Which, of course meant that my friend
Mr. Breezy
was back. 
 
The joys of library living! I have yet to set foot in one whose temperature is just right. Until then,

Chillily yours

Friday, 30 August 2013

What I do

What do archivists and special collections librarians do? Here's a (not totally accurate, but hopefully amusing) idea based on my Friday:




Saturday, 13 July 2013

Captain Planet

That's right, I revisited this eco-centric cartoon from the nineties. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad in retrospect as I thought it might be. The quality of animation is high, and while everything from the voice acting to the themes to the villains and storylines is a bit over the top (read: beating you over the head with green ideology), its solid. I mean, its a cartoon, aimed at a younger audience--not really looking for subtlety.

So, some observations from those first two episodes:

1) Mother Earth (Gaia) is of indeterminate race, but talks like a black woman just shy of ghetto (voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, in fact--a few big name actors and voice actors on staff, not sure how they wrangled that . ..) and dresses like a Greek goddess. She also enjoys napping, and has a huge rack.  This photo doesn't do it justice. 
2) There's a Yu-Gi-Oh connection:
Wheeler: The comic relief Planeteer with a temper, Wheeler is a  fire-wielding lad from Brooklyn, complete with accent. Voiced by Joey (note: Joey) Dedio


Joey (note: Joey) Wheeler: The comic relief best friend with a temper, he is a fire-breathing-dragon wielding lad from Brooklyn, complete with accent. People have said that Joey's (Jounouchi in the Japanese) dub-name is an intentional nod to Captain Planet

3)Bad guys are usually deformed, and the environment is being destroyed by villains (not by regular people). 
4) Mullets are heroic. For reals. Lets take a look at the heroic mullet hall of fame here: 
Captain planet's mullet is not just a mullet. I would classify this as an Epic Mullet, spit curl included. 
More hero mullets: 

Macgyver
Rambo
Superman circa 1993
Aquaman
Chuck Norris
Togusa
Togusa

Friday, 31 May 2013

Canadian Statutory Holidays

Made a little video giving you a sense of some of the holidays that are celebrated in Canada, as they are celebrated. It is a beautiful piece, and I hope it will prove both educational and enjoyable to anyone--especially non-Canadians--stumbling across it.

(lulz)

Monday, 22 April 2013

Why it sucks to be a Hinny

Context: A hinny is  a mule like creature that is the product of a male horse and a female donkey. It is similar to the more common mule, which is the product of a female horse and a male donkey.

Why it sucks to be one: 


1.)Short: Hinnies are on average slightly smaller than mules: Mules already have a complex about being shorter than horses (how does this breeding work, anyway). A hinny is restricted to being about the size of the largest breed of donkey. Mules, however, have a female horse as a parent, so they can be as large as the size of the tallest breed of horse.


2.) Not cute: Hinnies are one step shorter in the tallness hierarchy. They're bigger than a Shetland pony, but not even half as cute.



Hinny
Shetland Pony

3.) No bebe's : Yup, they're sterile. Like mules,  the male hinny can and will mate, but the emission is not fertile Some exceptions have been found, particularly from the male side of things. Fun fact: In China in 1981, a hinny mare proved fertile with a donkey stallion.[citation needed] When the Chinese hinny was bred to a donkey jack, she produced "Dragon Foal," who resembled a donkey with mule-like features.



4.) No Due: Male hinnys are usually castrated to help control their behavior by eliminating their interest in females.

5.) Snobbery: Hinnys are choosier about their mates than horse mares and donkey jacks, thus, the two parties involved may not care to mate.

6.) Unfortunate name: All I can think is hiney, which is what kids used to get spanked on when I was growing up. I know its pronounced differently. 

* all except that last were ripped verbatum from wikipedia. I'm sorry wikipedia  . . .I hope we can still be friends.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Signs You Might Be From Saskatchewan

Okay, okay, its been done a thousand times, I know. But I'm bored and a little homesick, so I'ma do it anyway: Signs You Might Be From Saskatchewan

1.) This . . .

. . .is a " little brisk"

2.) This ... 

. . . is t-shirt weather

3.) You have gotten drunk off of this. . .
 . . .repeatedly.

4.) Additionally, pilsner is not a variety of beer, its a brand name.

5.) Your car/truck/SUV/tractor/ ATV looks something like this:



6.) When someone asks you if you know Bob from Saskatchewan, the answer is probably yes. He's probably your uncle. 


7.) You never have trouble finding something green to wear on st. patrick's day. 


8.) You have spent more than an hour talking about the weather in one sitting.
9.) Six hours is a short drive
10.) Hills go down, not up. 
11.) You automatically give the awkward two-fingered steering wheel wave when you pass someone on a gravel road, regardless of whether you know them or not - - regardless of what province or country you might be in. 
12.) This . . .
. . . counts as a scenic drive.
13.) This . . .

... makes you feel a little nostalgic. 

14.) This is probably the best youtube video ever:

15.) This looks like home:






Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Van Art

Camera Van

Lol @ the horns on top

I don't know if the van is more interesting, or the dude in
front of it

Random guy on segue: "wtf is that?"


Skulls!

A classic

I found so many star wars themed ones

Dazzling, indeed