A question of scruples

I don't want a whole lot out of life. Or I don't think I do. A steady job, a place to live, the ability to live relatively comfortably, and people to care about. But aside from what I want to live, there is also the question of how. The question of not just living the life I want, but living it right.

So, what does "right living" mean to me? My mind goes ( and has always gone) automatically to dying. When I die, what sort of a person do I want to be remembered as? What achievement do I want to grasp at as I lie gasping for my last breath? (sorry kids, that was morbid).

The answer I've come up with somewhere in the past ten years was a very simple one: I want to do right by people. I want to know I've done right by people, and I want people to say over my grave, at the very least "well, she always tried her best to do right by me."

Doing right by a person means, first and foremost, always remembering their humanity is as valuable and palpable as your own. Never treat anyone as lesser, no matter what you may think of them and they may think of you. Secondly, it means taking the time to give a fuck. To listen, to talk, even just to open a door or pick up a dropped mitten and return it to a stranger. Finally, it means trying to do things for others that will brighten their day. Reaching out in small ways that can make big differences in other people's lives. I'm not so good at this last one, I don't think. Its something I would like to work on. Recently I have been the recipient of just such a gesture, finding a surprise card and bit of cross-stitch in my mailbox at school, which put a smile on my face. I feel like if I could remember to do more of these neat little things that let people know that I'm out there, that I care, and that I value them, I'd be doing a much better job of doing right by them.

And lets face it, I've had my times when I've failed miserably at doing right by people. I have been selfish. I have lied. At some point or another I have done all of those things that qualify as doing wrong by a person (short of stealing and murdering, I suppose). But I guess those sorts of mistakes are just part of being human. Life is, if nothing else, a learning process, and I hope that by the end of mine, I will have truly learned to do my absolute best by everyone I come into contact with.

An unreasonable goal? Maybe.
But something worth striving for?
Definitely.

Fly home

Another entry in my christmas journal, which is really becoming more of an art/writing collage journal of MAYHEM.

ahem

This little scene works off of an art technique I learned in grade four: colorful crayon background, black construction paper (in this case newsprint) foreground. Always wanted to do this again, because I wasn't very good at it in the fourth grade.

A little better this time, maybe.

Easy Custard

Ingredients:

2 cups milk

1/3 cup sugar

2 large eggs

2 tbsp cornstarch

vanilla (to taste)

Directions:

Whisk together the eggs, set aside. Mix milk, sugar, and cornstarch in saucepan, whisking together. Allow milk to scald, whisking gently to prevent burning. Remove milk mixture from heat and add 2 tbsp of it to the egg mixture. Slowly add the egg mixture to the milk mixture while whisking. Return to heat, stirring lightly until mixture begins to thicken. Do not bring to a boil. Once thickening occurs, remove from heat, mix in vanilla and allow to cool thoroughly (transfer to another bowl for cooling--I cool mine in the fridge)

et voila!

An apology

Super cranky lately. Unsure if its the change in the meds, the cold, the fact that break is over, or just having too much on my plate, but I feel like every little thing is ticking me off (thing, not people). I'm distracted. I'm losing things. I can't find the humor in anything. I can't even socialize normally.

Anyway, writing this as a sort of an apology to those who have to interact with me on a daily basis. I'm sorry I'm such a space case this month. I'm sorry if I seem distant. And I certainly don't mean to offend anyone or say anything thoughtless or hurtful. I worry about this, because I feel like my brain/mouth filter might be a little broken right now. Along with a lot of other things.

I'll get it together. I always do. Just, thanks for bearing with me in the meantime.

Signs You Might Be From Saskatchewan

Okay, okay, its been done a thousand times, I know. But I'm bored and a little homesick, so I'ma do it anyway: Signs You Might Be From Saskatchewan

1.) This . . .

. . .is a " little brisk"

2.) This ... 

. . . is t-shirt weather

3.) You have gotten drunk off of this. . .

 . . .repeatedly.

4.) Additionally, pilsner is not a variety of beer, its a brand name.

5.) Your car/truck/SUV/tractor/ ATV looks something like this:

6.) When someone asks you if you know Bob from Saskatchewan, the answer is probably yes. He's probably your uncle. 

7.) You never have trouble finding something green to wear on st. patrick's day. 

8.) You have spent more than an hour talking about the weather in one sitting.

9.) Six hours is a short drive

10.) Hills go down, not up. 

11.) You automatically give the awkward two-fingered steering wheel wave when you pass someone on a gravel road, regardless of whether you know them or not - - regardless of what province or country you might be in. 

12.) This . . .

. . . counts as a scenic drive.

13.) This . . .

... makes you feel a little nostalgic. 

14.) This is probably the best youtube video ever:

15.) This looks like home:

Light at the end of the tunnel

Lately I've been feeling a bit like I'm losing control. Like there's too much to do, too little time, and more importantly, too little energy to go around.

I just need to remember, this too shall pass. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And Rainbows.

There are Rainbows.

Pine Pass

because you're never too old for an evening with crayons. 

Also, this lovely lady materialized during museology. I really need to work on paying attention.

My Day

A bunch of photos taken throughout the day, including a trip to the psychiatrists office, the education building, and my bed,  mashed together with some familiar frescoes. Really like how the colors turned out on this one.

Promise I'll start making real posts soon. In the meantime, I'm having too much fun making arts.

Shadows 2

Shadow

Daddy gave me a new journally book to play with for Christmas. Isn't it purdy? 

So I promptly destroyed the first page! 

I called this little bit of collage "Shadow" because I basically looked up definitions of the word "shadow" and wrote them in various media/representations all over the page. Wheee!