Idiolect

Some things I am saying way too much lately. I apologize to everyone who has to deal with me:

1.) . . .for REASONS
example: I ate a ham sandwich . . .for REASONS
translation: There was no reason to eat the ham sandwich. I wasn't even hungry. I don't like ham.

2.) ALL DAY
example: I've been eating this ham sandwich ALL DAY.
translation: I've been eating this ham sandwich for the past five minutes.

3.) It ok tho
example: This ham sandwich tastes like ass. . . it ok tho
translation: This ham sandwich tastes like ass, but I'll survive

4.) I fail
example: I couldn't finish the ham sandwich. I fail.
translation: I couldn't finish the ham sandwich. This is more or less inconsequential

5.) RRRWWWWWAAARRRGGHH
example: RRRWWWWWAAARRRGGHH
translation: a heartfelt expression of one's inner frustrations and turmoil

Nursery Rhyme

I am a doll at tearoom table
Smile, nod, as I am able
Your words choke at me rich and sable
until I can not breathe.
Force fed another fable,
my limbs too stiff to leave.

Words cling to parchment tongue
cleave to throat, freeze in lung
The organ seeks a lunellum
to scrape the vellum clean.
In blank-space new words will come
and I'll say what I mean.

I mean to say--
I mean to do--
my teacup's empty,
so are you.
We sit frozen in tableau
for yet another day;
it is the playroom way.

Uncomfortable animal facts

Because science is interesting . . .but also disturbing. A few things you probably already knew, and didn't need to be reminded of on a holiday Monday. I'm sorry.

1.) Male seahorses give birth by exploding:

2.) Dragonflies are assholes:

"Take the jewelwing Calopteryx splendens. Some males dispense with courtship altogether and just snatch unwary females while they're warming in the sun—even immature ones, shimmer-fresh after emergence from their larval youth. Others, called "stealers," attack and split mating pairs by ramming, pulling, and biting them; still others, "water lurkers," grab a female in the midst of egg laying so they can have their way with her, even if she drowns in the process. Females, for their part, attempt to escape this boorish behavior by flipping, zigzagging, spiraling upward or downward, submerging in water, fleeing at high speed, or fighting back, sometimes murderously.

"Some males embrace females with spiny claspers in a viselike grip that causes damage. Look closely at the eyes of a female darner, and you may well see dark puncture marks. This sort of abuse appears widespread among some dragonflies. In one study of 12 species of clubtails by Sidney Dunkle, a biologist then at the University of Florida, 88 to 100 percent of all females had holes in their heads, caused by a male's iron hold. The aptly named dragonhunter (Hagenius brevistylus) earned the dubious distinction of inflicting more severe damage than any other dragonfly: The spines of his appendages gouged the female's eyes, punctured and split her exoskeleton, and pierced her head, so that a "maximally damaged" female had as many as six holes of varying sizes punched in her head." 

"a male dragonfly uses his penis not just to transfer sperm to the female, but also to remove sperm left in her storage organ from previous matings. When he curls into that wheel position and begins his energetic genital thrusting, he's actually using his rigid, spoonlike, and sometimes spiky, penis to scrape out rival sperm before he deposits his own." 

 - National Geographic

*cringe* well, at least they keep the mosquitos down.

3.) A cat's tongue is not the only thing you don't want to be licked with:

That's right, the male cat's penis has much the same texture as its tongue, being referred to as "barbed." Domestic cats have barbed penises, with about 120-150 one mm long backwards pointing spines, which rake the walls of the female's vagina, triggering ovulation.

^ cat in heat: a sound of absolute abject terror. THE SPIKES! 

4.) Never shake hands with a Dolphin:

Dolphins are one of few creatures (us included) that seem interested in sex for reasons other than straight up reproduction. This is because the large, retractable penis of the male dolphin serves some of the purpose of the human hand in feeling things out--while at the same time serving the purpose of the penis. You can imagine the sort of internal conflicts this must generate. 

Also, this:

 

     - The Oatmeal

Warm day

. . .hopefully not the last warm day. Spent some time wandering campus today, snapping purdy pichers:

What I do

What do archivists and special collections librarians do? Here's a (not totally accurate, but hopefully amusing) idea based on my Friday:

Unexpected embroidery

This is a book we got in recently at Special Collections. Pretty interesting stuff, showcasing guerrilla styled stitch-art that challenges the traditions of textile crafts, and brings new, unexpected life to the ordinary.  I didn't get a chance to read the whole thing, but from what I saw, it looked pretty cool. So allow me to share with you some examples of unexpected embroidery, in which the ordinary is made extraordinary:

        \
 

But this isn't a post about embroidery, this is a post about poetry. It is a post about how poetry is its own kind of embroidery--and the more unexpected, the better it is (imo, anyway). To borrow a notion from H.G. Widdowson, most poetry is, at its heart, about some very general, very basic theme. Like "love hurts" or "flowers are pretty". What makes the words worth reading at all, much like what makes the piece of bread above worth looking at, is the embroidery.

Take a rather dull, straightforward theme like "my life sucks and is meaningless". We've all felt this, but phrasing it in this way doesn't even come close to describing it, and is certainly not entertaining. Put this sentiment in a poet's hands, however, and we get:

For I have known them all already, known them all;
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,                       50
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
  So how should I presume?

  And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?                    60
  And how should I presume?

(Prufrock, ladies and gentlemen)

Captures the essence of the rather simple dull sentiment much better, doesn't it?

So whether you're doing it with a needle and thread, or with words, I sort of feel like embroidery is at the heart of creation, and the more unexpected the embroidery is--sometimes the more unlike embroidery it becomes--the more interesting the creation can be.

I suck at painting

case in point:

someday, I will learn