Entitled: Twenty-First Adventure - How Kriemhild fared to the Huns:
Verse one:Following is the story of how Kriemhild went to the huns.
Verse two-four: Long tearful goodbyes with her youngest brothers. Lots of kissing.
Verse five: Everyone was very pretty while they rode to the huns.
Verse six-end: They arrive in the land of the Huns (which is near Vienna) and party with a bishop and Ruedigar's wife and assorted others, stopping and visiting and distributing gifts many times along the way (no wonder travel in medieval times took so long), and finally arriving at king Etzel.
That's a whole lotta verses to say not very much. I'm wondering when we will run out of ways to say "Kriemhild gave out treasure" and "the men jousted."
If you ever wanted an example of what can happen in an epic when you kill off the main character, this is it. The answer is: not a helluva lot.
Showing posts with label Nibelungenlied. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nibelungenlied. Show all posts
Monday, 11 April 2011
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Niebelungenlied: Chapter 20
Chapter 20:
Enter King Etzel, recently widowed, of Hunland. (Funny, I didn't know the Huns were out of Vienna. Oh well)
King Etzel's friends: Dude, you should lay Siegfried's wife.
King Etzel: But. . .I'm not Christian.
King Etzel's friends: Pfft. Who cares? Do her anyway. She's hot.
King Etzel: K! Ruediger, if you can go there and win her for me, I'll give you presents ^_^.
Ruediger: Fine.
King Etzel:
“When now wilt thou fare
To seek the lovely lady? / God of thee have care
To keep thee on thy journey / and eke a wife to me.
Therein good fortune help me, / that she to us shall gracious be.”
(notice the reference to God, lol. Heathen my ass.)
Ruediger stops by at his own estate with his men on the way to Worms, to tell his wife and daughter what's going on:
“My master now hath sent me / to woo him other wife,
Since that by death was ended / the fair [Queen] Helke’s life." <-- really? Her life was ended? By death?
Ruediger's wife dresses all the knights up nice, and then off they got to Gunther's court.
Gunther: Who're they?
Hagen: Huns, sir.
Gunther: What do you want
Ruediger: To get your sister to marry my king, sir.
Gunther: Meh, I'm fine with it. Go ask her.
Hagen: IF SHE MARRIES A KING, SHE'LL RAISE AN ARMY AGAINST US *paranoid twitch*
Hagen's dire warnings aside, Kriemhild's brothers attempt to persuade her to marry King Etzel. She is adamantly against it, although she does agree to speak to Ruediger.
Scene:
Kriemhild, surrounded by her ladies, all in fine dress, is not looking so fine herself. She is dishevelled, wearing poor clothes, and sobbing her eyes out. Ruediger winces, shrugs, and kneels before her
Ruediger: My king Etzel is in love with you. He's been widowed too, you know.
Kriemhild: I've been widowed more! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE LOST!
Ruedigar: Yes, well. . .perhaps you could seek solace in one another. . .
Kriemhild: I SHALL NEVER MARRY AGAIN! There is no solace for the loss I have endured!
Ruedigar: But --
Kriemhild: Talk to me tomorrow.
Exit, Ruediger and his men. Enter Kriemhild's mother and youngest (nicest) brother, Giselher.
Kriemhild: Something terrible has happened!
Mother: You broke a nail?
Giselher: You're terminally ill?
Mother: You discovered that the world will end in 28 days?
Kriemhild: Worse. I've been proposed to by King Etzel.
Giselher: You know, that might not be such a bad--
Kriemhild: Weeping loudly I SHALL MOURN FOREVER MY DARLING SIEGFRIED.
Mother: We're all getting tired of seeing you in mourning.
Kriemhild: But. . .he's not as handsome, wealthy, or christian as Siegfried.
Mother/Giselher: Well, no. . .
Kriemhild: curls into the fetal position, weeping. I'll think about it.
The next day, enter Ruediger and his men into Kriemhild's presence.
Ruediger: My dear lady--
Kriemhild: I WONT MARRY HIM
Ruediger: If you'd just listen--
Kriemhild: NO HUSBAND WILL EVER BE AS GOOD
Ruediger: M'lady--
Kriemhild: BEGONE
Ruediger: We can help you get your vengeance for Siegfried's murder.
Kriemhild: Abruptly cheerign up Suddenly interested! But your king is still a heathen.
Ruediger: Meh. So baptize him.
Kriemhild agrees to journey to Hunland with what is left of her treasure to become King Etzel's wife.
Enter King Etzel, recently widowed, of Hunland. (Funny, I didn't know the Huns were out of Vienna. Oh well)
King Etzel's friends: Dude, you should lay Siegfried's wife.
King Etzel: But. . .I'm not Christian.
King Etzel's friends: Pfft. Who cares? Do her anyway. She's hot.
King Etzel: K! Ruediger, if you can go there and win her for me, I'll give you presents ^_^.
Ruediger: Fine.
King Etzel:
“When now wilt thou fare
To seek the lovely lady? / God of thee have care
To keep thee on thy journey / and eke a wife to me.
Therein good fortune help me, / that she to us shall gracious be.”
(notice the reference to God, lol. Heathen my ass.)
Ruediger stops by at his own estate with his men on the way to Worms, to tell his wife and daughter what's going on:
“My master now hath sent me / to woo him other wife,
Since that by death was ended / the fair [Queen] Helke’s life." <-- really? Her life was ended? By death?
Ruediger's wife dresses all the knights up nice, and then off they got to Gunther's court.
Gunther: Who're they?
Hagen: Huns, sir.
Gunther: What do you want
Ruediger: To get your sister to marry my king, sir.
Gunther: Meh, I'm fine with it. Go ask her.
Hagen: IF SHE MARRIES A KING, SHE'LL RAISE AN ARMY AGAINST US *paranoid twitch*
Hagen's dire warnings aside, Kriemhild's brothers attempt to persuade her to marry King Etzel. She is adamantly against it, although she does agree to speak to Ruediger.
Scene:
Kriemhild, surrounded by her ladies, all in fine dress, is not looking so fine herself. She is dishevelled, wearing poor clothes, and sobbing her eyes out. Ruediger winces, shrugs, and kneels before her
Ruediger: My king Etzel is in love with you. He's been widowed too, you know.
Kriemhild: I've been widowed more! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE LOST!
Ruedigar: Yes, well. . .perhaps you could seek solace in one another. . .
Kriemhild: I SHALL NEVER MARRY AGAIN! There is no solace for the loss I have endured!
Ruedigar: But --
Kriemhild: Talk to me tomorrow.
Exit, Ruediger and his men. Enter Kriemhild's mother and youngest (nicest) brother, Giselher.
Kriemhild: Something terrible has happened!
Mother: You broke a nail?
Giselher: You're terminally ill?
Mother: You discovered that the world will end in 28 days?
Kriemhild: Worse. I've been proposed to by King Etzel.
Giselher: You know, that might not be such a bad--
Kriemhild: Weeping loudly I SHALL MOURN FOREVER MY DARLING SIEGFRIED.
Mother: We're all getting tired of seeing you in mourning.
Kriemhild: But. . .he's not as handsome, wealthy, or christian as Siegfried.
Mother/Giselher: Well, no. . .
Kriemhild: curls into the fetal position, weeping. I'll think about it.
The next day, enter Ruediger and his men into Kriemhild's presence.
Ruediger: My dear lady--
Kriemhild: I WONT MARRY HIM
Ruediger: If you'd just listen--
Kriemhild: NO HUSBAND WILL EVER BE AS GOOD
Ruediger: M'lady--
Kriemhild: BEGONE
Ruediger: We can help you get your vengeance for Siegfried's murder.
Kriemhild: Abruptly cheerign up Suddenly interested! But your king is still a heathen.
Ruediger: Meh. So baptize him.
Kriemhild agrees to journey to Hunland with what is left of her treasure to become King Etzel's wife.
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Nibelungenlied: Chapter 18-19
Chapter 18:
Siegfried's dad offers to hand over the crown to Kriemhild (determined to preserve his retirement), while Kriemhild's relatives (the ones who DIDN'T murder her husband) try to persuade her to stay.
There is a brief tug-of-war, but finally Kriemhild does exactly what you would expect her to do, being the logical, responsible woman she is: she spits on Siegmund's offer of a crown and decides to stay behind in Worms, abandoning her son.
And so, the Nibelungenlads leave without Kriemhild. But vengeance is in their minds.
Chapter 19:
Kriemhild gets a house of her very own built for her, right near where Siegfried is buried, so she can go weep over him whenever she pleases (and this does please her well). She proves inconsolable, refuses to speak to Gunther for three whole years, and refuses to even look at Hagen.
Her brothers have had just about enough of her sulking and try to lure her back to court, but still she refuses to forgive Hagen.
Kriemhild's brothers ride to Niebelungenland to retrieve her bridal treasure, which is being protected by the dwarf Alberich (remember him?). He hands the treasure over to Kriemhild (it is her right, after all), but mourns the loss of the invisible cloak.
It takes three trips to move all the treasure back to the Rhine. Predictably, Hagen wants it for himself (greedy bastard). Among the more interesting items is a wish-rod made of gold, which makes its wielder master over men (apparently).
But Kriemhild is not interested in these thousands of pounds of treasure just hauled to Worms by the sweat and blood of slave labour:
And had it e’en been greater, / yea a thousandfold,
If but again might Kriemhild / safe her Siegfried hold,
Fain were she empty-handed / of all the boundless store.
Spouse than she more faithful / won a hero nevermore.
(d'awwww)
Kriemhild begins giving away her vast treasure to all sorts of people, and Hagen (the greedy bastard) begins to worry that she might win over the people and raise an army.
Gunther: "pfft, why should I care who she gives her treasure to?"
To which Hagen has another one of those delightful misogynist responses:
“No man that boasteth wit
Should to any woman / such hoard to hold permit.
By gifts she yet will bring it / that will come the day
When valiant men of Burgundy / rue it with good reason may.”
Ahh, the old medieval problem of women with property.
Hagen wanders in and steals all of her treasure anyway (which is quite the undertaking, given the amount of it--no wonder he could kill Siegfried). She never gets the treasure back.
Siegfried's dad offers to hand over the crown to Kriemhild (determined to preserve his retirement), while Kriemhild's relatives (the ones who DIDN'T murder her husband) try to persuade her to stay.
There is a brief tug-of-war, but finally Kriemhild does exactly what you would expect her to do, being the logical, responsible woman she is: she spits on Siegmund's offer of a crown and decides to stay behind in Worms, abandoning her son.
And so, the Nibelungenlads leave without Kriemhild. But vengeance is in their minds.
Chapter 19:
Kriemhild gets a house of her very own built for her, right near where Siegfried is buried, so she can go weep over him whenever she pleases (and this does please her well). She proves inconsolable, refuses to speak to Gunther for three whole years, and refuses to even look at Hagen.
Her brothers have had just about enough of her sulking and try to lure her back to court, but still she refuses to forgive Hagen.
Kriemhild's brothers ride to Niebelungenland to retrieve her bridal treasure, which is being protected by the dwarf Alberich (remember him?). He hands the treasure over to Kriemhild (it is her right, after all), but mourns the loss of the invisible cloak.
It takes three trips to move all the treasure back to the Rhine. Predictably, Hagen wants it for himself (greedy bastard). Among the more interesting items is a wish-rod made of gold, which makes its wielder master over men (apparently).
But Kriemhild is not interested in these thousands of pounds of treasure just hauled to Worms by the sweat and blood of slave labour:
And had it e’en been greater, / yea a thousandfold,
If but again might Kriemhild / safe her Siegfried hold,
Fain were she empty-handed / of all the boundless store.
Spouse than she more faithful / won a hero nevermore.
(d'awwww)
Kriemhild begins giving away her vast treasure to all sorts of people, and Hagen (the greedy bastard) begins to worry that she might win over the people and raise an army.
Gunther: "pfft, why should I care who she gives her treasure to?"
To which Hagen has another one of those delightful misogynist responses:
“No man that boasteth wit
Should to any woman / such hoard to hold permit.
By gifts she yet will bring it / that will come the day
When valiant men of Burgundy / rue it with good reason may.”
Ahh, the old medieval problem of women with property.
Hagen wanders in and steals all of her treasure anyway (which is quite the undertaking, given the amount of it--no wonder he could kill Siegfried). She never gets the treasure back.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Nibelungenlied: Chapter 17
So, the hero is dead. Where can the story possibly go from here, for another twelve chapters?
Lets find out. . .
Chapter 17:
The nasty Knights bring Siegfried's corpse back to the castle, laying it out in the corridor where Kriemhild is sure to trip over it on the way to Matins. (insult to injury?). For some reason, neither the chamberlain, nor any of Kriemhild's attendants recognize the hero, saying: “What if’t a stranger were?", but Kriemhild knows the corpse is that of her husband. She also knows who did the evil deed: Hagen, under the encouragement of Brunhild. (so much for hoping to hide the murder, guys. Maybe if you hadn't dumped his body in the hall outside of Kriemhild's room, that might've worked out better for ya).
All of her attendants / did weep and wail enow
With their beloved mistress, / for filled they were with woe
For their noble master / whom they should see no more.
(Jesus, two minutes ago they didn't know who the man was)
A messenger runs off to alert the Knights of Nih (er, Niebelungenland) of their leader's death, and another goes to tell Siegfried's father.
One thousand, one hundred knights, a king, a queen, and her attendants all gather in the hall (big hall) and weep over Siegfried. It is very loud.
Group therapy session over with, Siegfried's knights arm themselves, and prepare for battle with Gunther's forces. Kriemhild is afraid they're all gonna die (well, its all her own damn fault anyway). She convinces them to wait to fight another day, and focus instead on burying Siegfried in a big ol' gold casket.
At the funeral, Kriemhild accuses Gunther and his men of the murder. They deny it.
Gunther: "it was. . .uh. . .robbers"
(NICE SAVE, Gunther! robbers, who dumped the body in the hall outside of Kriemhild's chamber)
For three days, and three nights, Kriemhild and the Nibelungenlads watch over Siegfried's corpse, making certain it doesn't reanimate. Then they put him in the ground.
Lets find out. . .
Chapter 17:
The nasty Knights bring Siegfried's corpse back to the castle, laying it out in the corridor where Kriemhild is sure to trip over it on the way to Matins. (insult to injury?). For some reason, neither the chamberlain, nor any of Kriemhild's attendants recognize the hero, saying: “What if’t a stranger were?", but Kriemhild knows the corpse is that of her husband. She also knows who did the evil deed: Hagen, under the encouragement of Brunhild. (so much for hoping to hide the murder, guys. Maybe if you hadn't dumped his body in the hall outside of Kriemhild's room, that might've worked out better for ya).
All of her attendants / did weep and wail enow
With their beloved mistress, / for filled they were with woe
For their noble master / whom they should see no more.
(Jesus, two minutes ago they didn't know who the man was)
A messenger runs off to alert the Knights of Nih (er, Niebelungenland) of their leader's death, and another goes to tell Siegfried's father.
One thousand, one hundred knights, a king, a queen, and her attendants all gather in the hall (big hall) and weep over Siegfried. It is very loud.
Group therapy session over with, Siegfried's knights arm themselves, and prepare for battle with Gunther's forces. Kriemhild is afraid they're all gonna die (well, its all her own damn fault anyway). She convinces them to wait to fight another day, and focus instead on burying Siegfried in a big ol' gold casket.
At the funeral, Kriemhild accuses Gunther and his men of the murder. They deny it.
Gunther: "it was. . .uh. . .robbers"
(NICE SAVE, Gunther! robbers, who dumped the body in the hall outside of Kriemhild's chamber)
For three days, and three nights, Kriemhild and the Nibelungenlads watch over Siegfried's corpse, making certain it doesn't reanimate. Then they put him in the ground.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Nibelungenlied: Chapter 16
Chapter 16:
Kriemhild, FOR SOME REASON, has a sense of forboding about this hunting trip, and begs Siegfried not to go. He goes anyway.
Siegfried cheerfully slaughters furry woodland creatures, and finally winds up capturing a bear, which he takes back to entertain them at the feast (PETA would not be amused). Siegfried lets the bear go, and all hell breaks loose. Siegfried kills the bear too.
Now, as yet another part of this convoluted plan of Hagen's (Doctor Evil would have difficulty besting him), the wine was left behind in Worms. To quench their thirst, the hunters must drink from a stream nearby. Hagen challenges Siegfried to a race to get to this stream (another part of his evil plan). They take off their armour and weapons (aha!) and race, Siegfried winning, of course.
Hagen hides Siegfried's sword and arrows, and then takes up his spear while Siegfried is drinking, and stabs him through that useful little cross Kriemhild had sewn on his tunic.
Siegfried, feeling the spear sink into his back, stands with the thing sticking out of him, and strikes Hagen a mighty blow with his shield. As Siegfried dies, there is a dialogue of Shakesperian proportions: "a plague on both your houses", "tell Kriemhild I love her", "don't. . .forget.. . my.. . story" etc etc etc.
The heroic knights decide to cover up the murder, and bring the body back to Worms.
Kriemhild, FOR SOME REASON, has a sense of forboding about this hunting trip, and begs Siegfried not to go. He goes anyway.
Siegfried cheerfully slaughters furry woodland creatures, and finally winds up capturing a bear, which he takes back to entertain them at the feast (PETA would not be amused). Siegfried lets the bear go, and all hell breaks loose. Siegfried kills the bear too.
Now, as yet another part of this convoluted plan of Hagen's (Doctor Evil would have difficulty besting him), the wine was left behind in Worms. To quench their thirst, the hunters must drink from a stream nearby. Hagen challenges Siegfried to a race to get to this stream (another part of his evil plan). They take off their armour and weapons (aha!) and race, Siegfried winning, of course.
Hagen hides Siegfried's sword and arrows, and then takes up his spear while Siegfried is drinking, and stabs him through that useful little cross Kriemhild had sewn on his tunic.
Siegfried, feeling the spear sink into his back, stands with the thing sticking out of him, and strikes Hagen a mighty blow with his shield. As Siegfried dies, there is a dialogue of Shakesperian proportions: "a plague on both your houses", "tell Kriemhild I love her", "don't. . .forget.. . my.. . story" etc etc etc.
The heroic knights decide to cover up the murder, and bring the body back to Worms.
Nibelungenlied: Chapter 15
Chapter 15:
Gunther's nasty knights, led by Hagen, develop an evil plan. They trick Siegfried into thinking Gunther's kingdom is coming under attack once again, and once again Siegfried offers to play hero. Kriemhild happily (stupidly) watches him go, proud that her husband can help her brother.
Before they go, Hagen pauses to flirt a bit with Kriemhild, promising to protect Siegfried during battle (and by protect he means stab him in the back). Kriemhild puts her foot in her mouth once again (maybe this is where the women should be seen and not heard rule comes from), saying that because he once bathed in the blood of a dragon, Siegfried can only be wounded by the spear, not by any weapon that cuts, and only on one spot between his shoulders.
Hagen tells Kriemhild to sew a token there in that spot, so he "knows where Siegfried needs to be protected" *shifty eyes*.
Kriemhild, in an effort to be helpful, sews a big freaking bulls-eye onto Siegfried's jacket, so that his weak spot can be apparent to the whole world. (SHE'S SO SMART!).
Right after they leave, a messenger rides up saying : "Good news, chaps! No longer under attack!" (not exactly sure what the point in that ruse was.) So, Gunther, under Hagens guidance, decides to go hunting instead, and Siegfried agrees to go with.
Gunther's nasty knights, led by Hagen, develop an evil plan. They trick Siegfried into thinking Gunther's kingdom is coming under attack once again, and once again Siegfried offers to play hero. Kriemhild happily (stupidly) watches him go, proud that her husband can help her brother.
Before they go, Hagen pauses to flirt a bit with Kriemhild, promising to protect Siegfried during battle (and by protect he means stab him in the back). Kriemhild puts her foot in her mouth once again (maybe this is where the women should be seen and not heard rule comes from), saying that because he once bathed in the blood of a dragon, Siegfried can only be wounded by the spear, not by any weapon that cuts, and only on one spot between his shoulders.
Hagen tells Kriemhild to sew a token there in that spot, so he "knows where Siegfried needs to be protected" *shifty eyes*.
Kriemhild, in an effort to be helpful, sews a big freaking bulls-eye onto Siegfried's jacket, so that his weak spot can be apparent to the whole world. (SHE'S SO SMART!).
Right after they leave, a messenger rides up saying : "Good news, chaps! No longer under attack!" (not exactly sure what the point in that ruse was.) So, Gunther, under Hagens guidance, decides to go hunting instead, and Siegfried agrees to go with.
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Nibelungenlied, Chapter 11-14
Chapter 11:
Siegfried: Well, I think its about time for me to be taking Kriemhild home to my kingdom.
Gunther&co.: But. . .whyyyyyy?
Siegfried: Dudes, I've been here for like three years now. Its time to go home.
Gunther & co.: We'll give you presents if you stay a bit longer!
Siegfried: Goodbye, Gunther & co.
So, Siegfried takes his beautiful new wife home to his kingdom, his father immediately steps down and hands his crown over, and within ten years, Kriemhild gives birth to a son, whom they name Gunther. Why they wanted to name their son after that dumbass, I'll never know, but so it was.
At the same time, Brunhild gives birth to a son, and they name him Siegfried. (if you thought things were confusing before. . .. )
Chapter 12:
Brunhild, over the past ten years has, unsurprisingly, grown quite bitter. She is jealous of Kriemhild's happiness with Siegfried, and is upset by the fact that the other royal couple didn't send so much as a postcard from their honeymoon trip.
(also, she misses her girlfriend)
Sayeth Brunhild of Kriemhild:
“Thy sister’s lofty bearing / and all her courtesy,
Whene’er I think upon it, / full well it pleaseth me,
How we did sit together / when erst I was thy spouse!
Well in sooth with honor / might she the valiant Siegfried choose.”
(sounds like a girlcrush to me)
So, Brunhild whines to her husband about it, and they plot to lure Kriemhild and Siegfried back to Worms with a feast (at least its not a play).
King Gunther's messengers arrive, and proceed to relentlessly guilt Siegfried into agreeing to the visit.
Chapter 13:
Apparently medieval women pack like women today: "Carrying-chests full many / for the way they made ready".
Leaving behind their son, Kriemhild and Siegfried set forth to other-Gunther's court. Oh, and BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN (medieval foreshadowing is about as subtle as a baseball bat to the head).
The visitors are greeted warmly. Especially warm is the greeting Brunhild gives Kriemhild:
"oft her glances / Brunhild was seen to cast
Upon the Lady Kriemhild, / for she was passing fair.
In lustre vied her color / with the gold that she did wear"
Chapter 14:
AAAAAND Kriemhild puts her foot in it, saying to Brunhild:
“Such spouse in sooth have I,
That all these mighty kingdoms / might well beneath his sceptre lie.”
to which Brunhild responds:
“How stately thy spouse be,
Howe’er so fair and worthy, / yet must thou grant to me
Gunther, thy noble brother, / doth far beyond him go:
In sooth before all monarchs / he standeth, shalt thou truly know.”
(*snicker* as if)
this devolves into:
"My husband is better!"
"No! Shut up! Mine is!"
So, to prove her point, Kriemhild goes and plays dressup, hoping to awe Brunhild into submission with fine clothes (hell, it worked last time).
The arguement rages, until finally Kriemhild drops the bomb:
“for that thy body fair
First was clasped by Siegfried, / knight full dear to me.
In sooth ’twas ne’er my brother / won first thy maidenhead from thee."
OHO, things just got nasty. To prove that Siegfried had lain with Brunhild that night, Kriemhild shows her the ring and the girdle he had stolen from Brunhild (knew that would come back to bite him in the ass).
Siegfried and Gunther unite valiantly to attempt to preserve their lie, but the damage has been done. Half the castle is up in arms, wanting Siegfried dead for laying with their queen, the other half insist he doesn't deserve it.
Siegfried: Well, I think its about time for me to be taking Kriemhild home to my kingdom.
Gunther&co.: But. . .whyyyyyy?
Siegfried: Dudes, I've been here for like three years now. Its time to go home.
Gunther & co.: We'll give you presents if you stay a bit longer!
Siegfried: Goodbye, Gunther & co.
So, Siegfried takes his beautiful new wife home to his kingdom, his father immediately steps down and hands his crown over, and within ten years, Kriemhild gives birth to a son, whom they name Gunther. Why they wanted to name their son after that dumbass, I'll never know, but so it was.
At the same time, Brunhild gives birth to a son, and they name him Siegfried. (if you thought things were confusing before. . .. )
Chapter 12:
Brunhild, over the past ten years has, unsurprisingly, grown quite bitter. She is jealous of Kriemhild's happiness with Siegfried, and is upset by the fact that the other royal couple didn't send so much as a postcard from their honeymoon trip.
(also, she misses her girlfriend)
Sayeth Brunhild of Kriemhild:
“Thy sister’s lofty bearing / and all her courtesy,
Whene’er I think upon it, / full well it pleaseth me,
How we did sit together / when erst I was thy spouse!
Well in sooth with honor / might she the valiant Siegfried choose.”
(sounds like a girlcrush to me)
So, Brunhild whines to her husband about it, and they plot to lure Kriemhild and Siegfried back to Worms with a feast (at least its not a play).
King Gunther's messengers arrive, and proceed to relentlessly guilt Siegfried into agreeing to the visit.
Chapter 13:
Apparently medieval women pack like women today: "Carrying-chests full many / for the way they made ready".
Leaving behind their son, Kriemhild and Siegfried set forth to other-Gunther's court. Oh, and BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN (medieval foreshadowing is about as subtle as a baseball bat to the head).
The visitors are greeted warmly. Especially warm is the greeting Brunhild gives Kriemhild:
"oft her glances / Brunhild was seen to cast
Upon the Lady Kriemhild, / for she was passing fair.
In lustre vied her color / with the gold that she did wear"
Chapter 14:
AAAAAND Kriemhild puts her foot in it, saying to Brunhild:
“Such spouse in sooth have I,
That all these mighty kingdoms / might well beneath his sceptre lie.”
to which Brunhild responds:
“How stately thy spouse be,
Howe’er so fair and worthy, / yet must thou grant to me
Gunther, thy noble brother, / doth far beyond him go:
In sooth before all monarchs / he standeth, shalt thou truly know.”
(*snicker* as if)
this devolves into:
"My husband is better!"
"No! Shut up! Mine is!"
So, to prove her point, Kriemhild goes and plays dressup, hoping to awe Brunhild into submission with fine clothes (hell, it worked last time).
The arguement rages, until finally Kriemhild drops the bomb:
“for that thy body fair
First was clasped by Siegfried, / knight full dear to me.
In sooth ’twas ne’er my brother / won first thy maidenhead from thee."
OHO, things just got nasty. To prove that Siegfried had lain with Brunhild that night, Kriemhild shows her the ring and the girdle he had stolen from Brunhild (knew that would come back to bite him in the ass).
Siegfried and Gunther unite valiantly to attempt to preserve their lie, but the damage has been done. Half the castle is up in arms, wanting Siegfried dead for laying with their queen, the other half insist he doesn't deserve it.
Monday, 21 March 2011
Nibelungenlied: Chapter 9 & 10
Chapter 9:
King Gunther: "Oh, gee, I guess we should let mom and sis know I'm coming back with a monster-er--wife. Hagen! Go play messenger"
Hagen: "Hell no, I'm staying right here with the treasure and the women. Send Siegfried."
Siegfried: *whines* "Do I have to? Can't you people do anything on your own?"
King Gunther: "You'll get to see Kriemhild"
Siegfried: "And I'm off. See you later!"
Kriemheld is so happy to hear about her brother's impending wedding, that she gives Siegfried twelve armlets. Which he promptly gives away: "he dealt them all around/Unto her fair attendants / whom he within the chamber found." (a little rude, don't you think?)
Chapter Ten:
Brunhild and Gunther return. Jousting, feasting, so on and so forth. Lots of friendmaking and flirting happen between members of Brunhild's party, and Gunther's court.
Kriemheld's hand is finally given to Siegfried, and the rest of her too. Brunhild seems upset by this, having apparently developed an infatuation with Kriemheld of her own. She claims Kriemhild will be dishonoured and wasted by Siegfried.
Gunther tells her to shut her hor mouth, and get her ass into the marriage bed. Bad idea, Gunther. Brunhild is less than willing to consumate their marriage (I know, I lied again), until he tells her what part Siegfried played in the winning of her.
Gunther gets all "wrathy" and attempts to rape Brunhild. Brunhild, being Brunhild, trusses him up and hangs him up on a nail on the wall. (this chick is awesome). She leaves him there, all night, until finally by morning Gunther is swearing to never touch her again if she'll just let him down. (beautiful scene, really)
Gunther whines about getting shut down and humiliated to Siegfried, and Siegfried must ONCE AGAIN go to the rescue, his mission this time to get Brunhild to give up her virginity to Gunther. This really is getting a little excessive.
So, Siegfried dons his invisible dwarf cloak (come to think of it, how can it fit him?) --nearly giving Kriemhild a heart attack in so-doing--and crawls into bed next to Brunhild under cover of invisibility and darkness. He attempts to hold her, and she hurls him across the room. Then:
"Up sprang again undaunted / the full doughty man,
To try for fortune better. / When he anew began
Perforce to curb her fury, / fell he in trouble sore.
I ween that ne’er a lady / did so defend herself before.
“Ah me!"–so thought the hero– / “shall I now my life
Lose at hand of woman, / then will every wife
Evermore hereafter / a shrewish temper show
Against her lord’s good wishes, / who now such thing ne’er thinks to do.”
Chauvanism, ladies and gentlemen.
They continue to grapple, and finally, Siegfried gets the upper hand. Having beaten Gunther's bride to nearly a pulp, she begs for mercy, and promises to never resist Gunther again. Siegfried steals her ring and her girdle for Kriemhild, to add insult to injury. Gunther tags in for Siegfried and makes love to Brunhild's cold, unwilling body. (sigh)
King Gunther: "Oh, gee, I guess we should let mom and sis know I'm coming back with a monster-er--wife. Hagen! Go play messenger"
Hagen: "Hell no, I'm staying right here with the treasure and the women. Send Siegfried."
Siegfried: *whines* "Do I have to? Can't you people do anything on your own?"
King Gunther: "You'll get to see Kriemhild"
Siegfried: "And I'm off. See you later!"
Kriemheld is so happy to hear about her brother's impending wedding, that she gives Siegfried twelve armlets. Which he promptly gives away: "he dealt them all around/Unto her fair attendants / whom he within the chamber found." (a little rude, don't you think?)
Chapter Ten:
Brunhild and Gunther return. Jousting, feasting, so on and so forth. Lots of friendmaking and flirting happen between members of Brunhild's party, and Gunther's court.
Kriemheld's hand is finally given to Siegfried, and the rest of her too. Brunhild seems upset by this, having apparently developed an infatuation with Kriemheld of her own. She claims Kriemhild will be dishonoured and wasted by Siegfried.
Gunther tells her to shut her hor mouth, and get her ass into the marriage bed. Bad idea, Gunther. Brunhild is less than willing to consumate their marriage (I know, I lied again), until he tells her what part Siegfried played in the winning of her.
Gunther gets all "wrathy" and attempts to rape Brunhild. Brunhild, being Brunhild, trusses him up and hangs him up on a nail on the wall. (this chick is awesome). She leaves him there, all night, until finally by morning Gunther is swearing to never touch her again if she'll just let him down. (beautiful scene, really)
Gunther whines about getting shut down and humiliated to Siegfried, and Siegfried must ONCE AGAIN go to the rescue, his mission this time to get Brunhild to give up her virginity to Gunther. This really is getting a little excessive.
So, Siegfried dons his invisible dwarf cloak (come to think of it, how can it fit him?) --nearly giving Kriemhild a heart attack in so-doing--and crawls into bed next to Brunhild under cover of invisibility and darkness. He attempts to hold her, and she hurls him across the room. Then:
"Up sprang again undaunted / the full doughty man,
To try for fortune better. / When he anew began
Perforce to curb her fury, / fell he in trouble sore.
I ween that ne’er a lady / did so defend herself before.
“Ah me!"–so thought the hero– / “shall I now my life
Lose at hand of woman, / then will every wife
Evermore hereafter / a shrewish temper show
Against her lord’s good wishes, / who now such thing ne’er thinks to do.”
Chauvanism, ladies and gentlemen.
They continue to grapple, and finally, Siegfried gets the upper hand. Having beaten Gunther's bride to nearly a pulp, she begs for mercy, and promises to never resist Gunther again. Siegfried steals her ring and her girdle for Kriemhild, to add insult to injury. Gunther tags in for Siegfried and makes love to Brunhild's cold, unwilling body. (sigh)
Nibelungenlied, Chapter 8
Chapter seven was actually epically awesome. . .I highly suggest reading the real thing. But then, I have a thing for strong beautiful women. In other news, in doing research on the translator of the version of the Nibelungenlied I am reading, I discovered that he is most likely the father of one of the people I admire most in the world--Mary Needler Hind (now deceased), whose father was indeed a scholar named George Henry Needler. Mary Hind is probably one of the biggest influences on me, and was just an absolutely astounding woman. She was a code breaker in the second world war, went on to become the Dean of Classical Studies at the University of Toronto (something that was, I imagine, almost unheard of for women in her time), she was obviously highly educated, could read and I believe speak latin and greek, and got married for love rather than out of desperation to start a family and be supported at the ripe age of sixty-something. I didn't know her until she was already in her eighties, at which age she was still volunteering at the local school to help children learn to read. She lived to be 98 (the exact age she always said she wanted to live to), and kept her faculties largely about her until the very end. If I can live to be a quarter as impressive as she, I'll have done a damn fine job at life.
But, back to butchering her father's life's work (how's *that* for gratitude?). Hopefully, though, my paraphrase will get at least one person interested enough in this classic German poem to read a chapter or two of the actual translation. Or maybe not. Either way, I am keeping myself entertained, and now have an even bigger reason to slog through the thirty nine chapters myself, hahah.
Chapter 8:
Okay, remember when I said that King Gunther and Brunhild had gotten happily married in chapter seven? I lied. Brunhild's not the sort of gal who will take matrimony lying down. She is, in actuality, calling all of her relatives to come fight Gunther and his men, so she can continue to live free as the kickass amazon that she is.
ONCE AGAIN, its Siegfried to the rescue (he's probably wishing he'd never gone to King Gunther's court at this point). Under his invisible cloak, Siegfried takes Gunther's boat and sails in quest of a ready-made army nearby, with which to defend the king from Brunhild and her clan.
He comes to the isle of the Nibelungen (sound familiar?), and seeing a castle on the hill, and being travel weary, goes to it, knocking upon the door. The door is guarded by a giant.
Giant: "Fee Fie Fo Fum, who goes there?"
Siegfried: "One badass knight, that's who. Now let me in or you will know the true meaning of CHAOS" (cue epic metal theme).
This, of course, pisses off the gigantic doorman, who changes out of his footie pajamas, throws on his armour, and comes at Siegfried with a club.
The fight rages, echoing throughout the castle, and all the lands of the Nibelungen. Siegfried, for once, actually fears for his life (angry Porters are dangerous things indeed), however, eventually he bests the giant -- Only to be set upon by a dwarf named Alberich!
Not wanting to harm the little man (its bad luck to hit a dwarf, you know), Siegfried grabs him by the beard, whereupon Alberich squeals for mercy, and promises to serve Siegfried. Siegfried lets teh dwarf and the giant go, and Alberich runs to the knights of the Nibelungen, telling them to come before Siegfried.
They do. Another feast (dayum the middle ages were good times--you know, apart from feudalism, famine, and the black plague). Siegfried gets the Knights drunk, and they agree to help him fight Brunhild (you need to be drunk to take on a dame of her stature).
Once again Siegfried's plan involves fancy clothes, hoping to awe Brunhild into submission. So he, and one thousand finely dressed knights return to her kingdom. Brunhild is, of course, awed into submission by this display, she hands out treasures all round, and agrees to return with Gunther to his kingdom, as his wife
But, back to butchering her father's life's work (how's *that* for gratitude?). Hopefully, though, my paraphrase will get at least one person interested enough in this classic German poem to read a chapter or two of the actual translation. Or maybe not. Either way, I am keeping myself entertained, and now have an even bigger reason to slog through the thirty nine chapters myself, hahah.
Chapter 8:
Okay, remember when I said that King Gunther and Brunhild had gotten happily married in chapter seven? I lied. Brunhild's not the sort of gal who will take matrimony lying down. She is, in actuality, calling all of her relatives to come fight Gunther and his men, so she can continue to live free as the kickass amazon that she is.
ONCE AGAIN, its Siegfried to the rescue (he's probably wishing he'd never gone to King Gunther's court at this point). Under his invisible cloak, Siegfried takes Gunther's boat and sails in quest of a ready-made army nearby, with which to defend the king from Brunhild and her clan.
He comes to the isle of the Nibelungen (sound familiar?), and seeing a castle on the hill, and being travel weary, goes to it, knocking upon the door. The door is guarded by a giant.
Giant: "Fee Fie Fo Fum, who goes there?"
Siegfried: "One badass knight, that's who. Now let me in or you will know the true meaning of CHAOS" (cue epic metal theme).
This, of course, pisses off the gigantic doorman, who changes out of his footie pajamas, throws on his armour, and comes at Siegfried with a club.
The fight rages, echoing throughout the castle, and all the lands of the Nibelungen. Siegfried, for once, actually fears for his life (angry Porters are dangerous things indeed), however, eventually he bests the giant -- Only to be set upon by a dwarf named Alberich!
Not wanting to harm the little man (its bad luck to hit a dwarf, you know), Siegfried grabs him by the beard, whereupon Alberich squeals for mercy, and promises to serve Siegfried. Siegfried lets teh dwarf and the giant go, and Alberich runs to the knights of the Nibelungen, telling them to come before Siegfried.
They do. Another feast (dayum the middle ages were good times--you know, apart from feudalism, famine, and the black plague). Siegfried gets the Knights drunk, and they agree to help him fight Brunhild (you need to be drunk to take on a dame of her stature).
Once again Siegfried's plan involves fancy clothes, hoping to awe Brunhild into submission. So he, and one thousand finely dressed knights return to her kingdom. Brunhild is, of course, awed into submission by this display, she hands out treasures all round, and agrees to return with Gunther to his kingdom, as his wife
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Niebelungenlied. . .
IS in fact a word!
This is the title of an epic German poem from the middle ages, which I had never heard of until today, but which possesses much of the charming epic epicness that characterizes the poetry of the period. I just didn't realize the Germans were being epicly epic as well. I should have known.
(just look at this epic badassery: siegfried killing the dragon)
I found a translation online
at: http://www.authorama.com/nibelungenlied-1.html
As with many translations of poetry into English, this is a little awkward and nursery rhyme-ish. Then again, it is translated from German, which isn't known for its beauty (zing!).
You could read it yourself, but I think I'd rather provide a Stevie's notes version:
Chapter 1:
Kriemhild, our heroine, doesn't want to get married. Her three thuggish brothers, who are all very manly and have unhealthy obsessions with protecting their sister, vow to do just that, and keep her virginity safe from anyone not related to them.
Chapter 2:
Enter Siegfried, a young knight who is described as having the looks of Brad Pitt, the charm of Cassanova, and the penis of Adonis (ok, I made that up). Kid likes to party, enter long description of jousting/feasting/drinking, littered with poorly veiled sexual references to "swords". Oh, and did I mention Siegfried is a badass?
Chapter 3:
Siegfried has a hard-on for Kriemhild of Worms (which is just about the sexiest name ever), and decides to take a bunch of his good looking knight friends (because everyone in the middle ages was fek hawt) to her kingdom. There, they get the kings panties in a knot by not telling him anything about who they are and why they are there. Luckily, the king has a know-it-all brother, who guesses Siegfried's identity. Siegfried in a moment of senseless faux pas brags about his martial prowess, and this "chafes" the king's "thanes" . It looks like a brawl is going to break out, but everyone calms down, and Siegfried gets to stay for a year, while Kriemhild the Worms princess falls for him. As well she should, for "none there that was his equal-so mickle was his might-- if they the stone were putting, or hurling shaft with rival Knight" (which just sounds dirty).
She starts to stalk him. Its creepy, but his heart aches for her affection.
Chapter 4:
The Saxons are angry at King Gunther of Worms for having an overly appealing name! Twelve weeks (which is dam quick in medieval time) until the helm clefting begins! Siegfried, with his epic badass ways, offers to save the day, saying in his tacit manner "stay here with your whores, old man, I've got this one", or something to that effect. King Gunther illogically sends the Saxon kings a return threat and some gifts of gold, and, angered by this mixed messages, they gather up forty thousand men for WAR.
Scouting out the enemy forces, and finding his Knights greatly outnumbered, the brave hero Siegfried becomes greatly excited and jumps up and down waving his arms about, getting the attention of one of the Saxon kings. They joust, they fight, sparks fly, the world turns, and in a final round of rock paper scissors, Siegfried defeats the saxon king. Woe to Saxony! This put the defeated saxon king into a "gloomy mood", causing him to beg Siegfried for his life (that's what I do when I'm feeling gloomy too). Siegfried takes the king captive, after killing thirty of his men in a fit of bloodthirsty badassery. Still not satisfied, Siegfried leads Gunther's whole army against the saxons. Enter battle montage.
The win, of course, taking both of the Saxon kings prisoner, and then doing the logical thing, which is throwing a party for them. Everyone gets happily drunk, gold and silver are tossed about, and Siegfried doesn't even kill anyone.
Chapter 5:
The party is so good, they decide to pick it up a month later (you know, after the wounded had healed from the war they just fought and won in a day). Apparently things got a little violent, when the thirty two princes present "vied with one another to deck themselves the ladies all". All wife beating aside, something very important did happen at the party pt. deux: Siegfried FINALLY got his chance to meet Kriemhild up close and personal. *cue angelic chorus as Kriemhild walks on stage*
Obviously, its love at first sight. Obviously, there is foreshadowing of woe to come from this loving meeting.
"’Twas her surpassing beauty / that made the knight to stay.
With many a merry pastime / they whiled the time away;
But love for her oppressed him, / oft-times grievously.
Whereby anon the hero / a mournful death was doomed to die."
:o!
(oh, and the captive Saxon kings were finally let free)
Chapter 6:
King Gunther gets all hot and bothered about a broad named Brunhild (who wouldn't). The thing about Brunhild though, is that she's in a constant state of uber-PMS and tends to kill anything with a penis that comes near her (I'm sure many of us can relate). King Gunther, knowing Siegfried is the biggest badass he has, promises to let Siegfried marry his sister Kriemhild, if Siegfried will win Brunhild for him. (Gotta love pre-feminist times. Go chattel!)
In a surprising plot twist, Siegfried's plan is not to just kill everything in Brunhild's kingdom and steal her away, but to have Kriemhild make him and his companions some very fancy clothes to try to impress the lady. Huh.
So, off Siegfried goes with his companions in a wee little boat (well provisioned with wine) in a contest for two wives, wearing a bunch of fancy new clothes (described in detail for about eight verses, for anyone who is interested) and the magic invisible cloak he won off of a dwarf prior to these annals. (I'm not joking)
Chapter 7:
"their ship did forward glide So near unto the castle / that soon the king espied Aloft within the casements / many a maiden fair to see. That all to him were strangers / thought King Gunther mournfully."
(horny bastard)
Luckily for Gunther, it seems that these maids have not (unsurprisingly) seen a man in a very, VERY long time:
"Unto the narrow casements / came the crowding on, When they spied the strangers: / that they might also see"
So, we have a horny king, and a castleful of sex deprived maidens. Sounds like the setup to a porno to me.
Things get even kinkier as Brunhild prepares herself for the customary feats of strength, her shield and spear and shot-put so large and heavy that it takes three chambermen to carry what she can carry on her own.
Grunther, seeing her absurd strength, shits himself.
Luckily, he has an invisibly cloaked Siegfried to help him.
The Spear Throwing Contest: Siegfried helps brace the shield against the spear Brunhild hurls with awe-inspiring strength at Gunther. Siegfried throws the spear back, but not wanting to hurt the maid, hurls it so she is only hit with the butt end (is this possible?)
The Shot Put: Equally did Siegfried aid Gunthor in pwning the robust maiden at the hurling of the rocks.
Gunthor and Brunhild get married, and live happily ever after (that is except for when Brunhild shatters three of Gunther's vertibrae in bed on the wedding night).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)