Sunday, 31 March 2013

Meanwhile in the first world. . .

Okay, so . . .time to be a horrible, horrible person. More horrible than usual. Here is a list of things I would miss most if we restricted water use in north america to the non-frivolous.

1.) The bath

Anyone who knows me, or who has lived with me knows I have an unhealthy need to have a bath at the end of the day, otherwise I'm just all out of sorts for the week. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It doesn't have to be deeper than the width of my palm. I just need to lay down. Think. Let my muscles soak and generally get all the uck da fuck out. This lady understands. A shower won't do it for me. Getting sprayed in the face by icy cold or steamy hot water at high velocities is not relaxing. I don't get it. 

That being said, a bath is a near-completely frivolous waste of water. Yes, it gets you clean. But the power washer--I mean, shower-- will do that too. 

2.) Playing with garden hoses

No, I don't like standing in the shower and being sprayed. Outside on a hot hot day, though? Oh yes! I don't care how old you are; chasing someone around with a garden hose or running through a sprinkler when you're fighting off the madness of heatstroke is about as fun as it gets. 

3.) Swimming!

Not a huge fan of the swimming pool, but I know if that were no longer an option, I would miss it. Where else would I go on a hot summer day to stand in water with a bunch of other overheated people packed in like sardines in a can? Where else could I get splashed in the face by small children or kicked in the teeth by someone foolishly trying to swim underwater in an overfull space? 
. . .maybe I'll stick to the sprinkler.

4.) Water parks!

Stealing the West Edmonton Mall's cheesy advertisement here. But yes! Water parks! I didn't think I would like them, but then I did. They're like regular theme parks, but you get to swim up to the bar. And drink mojitos. In your swimsuit. In the sun. In the water. Best. Thing. Ever.
(the way to sell me on something may or may not be alcohol)

5.) Decorative ponds/water landscaping

If you wouldn't miss these little works of landscaping art, you have no soul. That is all. 

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